I love reading old logs, and in some ways I hate it. All that wonderful writing and cool stuff. Then the melancholy, all the pups or people you don't play with anymore, all the things you miss. It's like an old lover, yeah? Like something went away and you didn't realize it until you looked back.

And people say it's only a game. Psh. Go 'way. My mind's gotta live somewhere.

damn you, Neil Gaiman. (i love you)

i have a weird writing journal here in case anyone is interested. it's friends only because it has a bit of nsfw things in it, because it's very personal and confusing, and because it keeps getting hit by Russian spammers. mostly it's me interacting with my pups, and it's not really very 'puppies and flowers', although i try to keep it 'anything goes'. if you know me, you know what i'm likely capable of.

but i will welcome people i know this once to come over and watch, if you want. if you come by later and i know you, cool. if i don't know you, don't expect a watch back. it's nothing personal, it's just personal. my personal brain matter, that is.

if your PUP visits, well uh. it's very fourth wall. that's all i'm sayin'.

so there you have it. or not. whatever.

<3 you guys.

To everyone I've sort of left hanging this last weekend with Shop and Hverse and everything else-stuff, I'm very sorry. I did mean to pick everything up this weekend and continue. Unfortunately, I've been battling a massive headache that REFUSES to go away and is making it hard to think.

This makes my job a pure joy, lemme tell ya.

I do intend to go forward with everything I've started. Just be patient with me and consider this stuff THNM for the immediate future. Until I can either get rid of this headache or smash my skull with a sledgehammer, I'm not sure which.

:p

been reading, been thinking

almost would like eGabe to eventually return to the Shop.

opinions?

been hibernating

feeling very out of sorts with Nexus. with talking to people. anyone. dunno why.

just my crazy, I suppose.

love you guys, just so you know. just not feeling well in the skull these days.

just so you know, I fear this meme.

stolen from takhys and a few other people...


Based entirely on my personality (so if you've met me before, block what I really look like out of your mind), hunt down a "played by" who you think would best represent me. Reply here with the picture or link.

( So. Gabriel. )
Anyway. Questions, suggestions, comments, please leave them here! I like responses. :D

I have made a decision. It's the only one I've been comfortable with for a while now. The more time goes by, the more I think it has to happen. I'm posting this to my journal instead of in IRC because I'm never sure when anyone is on and I have limited time these days, it seems.

I want to break mrseysidescousr out of the eWeb. As much as I love the setup and everyone in it, I feel like it's gone stagnant. I'm not sure if it's because of me, or because of a hundred things. I'm getting mixed messages and communication has broken down. I just don't want to have to stress about it anymore. Because I do, whether it is justified or not, whether it makes sense or not. And since it's stressing me, I'm doing what I can to relieve the pressure.

If anyone wants to play something out, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. I'd like to RP it, but I do understand if, after all this time and all that has been said if people would not like to. I know I've been a hard one to talk to, and I'm not about to force anyone to do anything they don't want to do, or don't feel like doing. I won't do that. But I'm not going to stay in a situation that I am not comfortable with anymore. Even if I don't do anything more with the character, I want to do this.

<3 you guys, I hope you know that. If you don't believe me, I can't make you know it. But I do.

In other news, I am playing way too much Oblivion. Or not enough. This is a sign of insanity. There should be a program for people to help them cope with Oblivion addiction. Obliviholics Anonymous, maybe.

Not enough sleep. I feel stupid.

hell with it, tired of apologizing.

want to talk to me, do it here. i'm in a pretty fragile mood, so i'd rather not keep it real time chat thing. whatever.

posts are screened, so it's not like everyone will be able to read what we're saying.

and if you have no idea what i'm on about, don't worry about it. it's all good.

Okay, here we go.

I am officially taking a semi-hiatus from roleplay.

What do I mean by semi-hiatus? I will likely not be on IRC much, if at all. I may turn up sporadically. I cannot predict what my moods will be, so I can't say I'm going to be completely gone.

I will be on LJ off and on as well. Probably good not to get into any important or long plots for a while, unless you don't mind it being THNM and a possible few hours to few days between posts (like with Sky and Matt and the hverse).

I am still planning to come back to do some longer plots, and I'm hoping that I'll be coming back anyway. I want to play out the mrseyside/Amber stuff (when you're ready, Terana) and more with the eldritching-the-eweb. The eShop tends to run on it's own schedule though, so I'm not worried as much about that. I would also like to do the next Battle Royale, if that's going to happen, but I still don't know who I'll put in, if anyone. So there is that.

And I, again, have a few personal plots of my own I keep thinking about, stuff that's mostly narrative and less interactive. I started doing that with oGabe, but it didn't really get off the ground. I'd like to either finish it up or continue it. I feel like I do that pup a disservice sometimes, but I really can't put my finger on exactly why or what. I figure it'll eventually come to me.

Ah, and Augie. Poor guy. Maybe he'll turn up again. Anything's possible.

<3 you guys, and I do send my best and my thoughts are always warm for yas.

Vorko

not dead

work has completely and utterly eaten my brain

also,
middle of periodical depression

sorry if i left you hanging, haven't forgotten

will return soon

<3

[oo5] Monday: Character Bibliography: five quotes. for gabriel_grey

"I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before any one even at the cost of your life."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"Hate the sin, love the sinner."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."
- George Moore

"Best wide-angle lens? Two steps backward. Look for the 'ah-ha'."
- Ernst Haas

[oo3] Saturday: Character Bibliography: five movies.

This is a tough one. I haven't watched movies in forever. But here are a couple.

for mrseysidescousr
V for Vendetta
The Hunted (the movie is marginal, but the knife-fighting scenes are win.)

for gabriel_grey
The Killing Fields

for deadman_grey
The Commitments
Nate and Hayes

from dmooc

[oo2] Friday: Character Bibliography: five songs. for mrseysidescousr

"man in the box" - alice in chains
Gabriel is the original Man in the Box. He spent six months in a government testing installation known as 'The Locker'. His quarters consisted of a coffin-sized box.

"the real thing" - faith no more
This Gabriel is a thrill-seeker. He wants to experience extremes in life, wants to feel the real, the sharp, the pure. He doesn't get too many chances in his life to taste it, but when he does he savors it.

"earth died screaming" - tom waits
Hell doesn't want you, and Heaven is full

"flesh and blood" - the waifs
This should be the theme song of all mutants. Maybe.

"nocturnals" - peter gabriel
Not so much a literal application of the song lyrics, but of the flavor of the song itself. Gabriel's never thrown people out of planes. I don't think he has, anyway...

"strugglin'" - tricky
This particular song is remeniscent of the Nexus Battle Royale. Struggling to stay sane, losing the fight.

Yes, that's six. Hush.